Suicide
by maxixe
Summary: Tomoyo cant handle her life anymore which leads to one possible solution for her......The revised version is entitled My love for you will remain...


**Disclaimer: **I **DO NOT** own **neither CCS nor** do I intend of owning it soon, the only thing I own is **MY STORY** and some characters. So don't sue me.

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**Suicide

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My pain is all trapped inside me never did I fear death for I know the only purpose in life is to die. As I walk through the garden everything becomes a blur, my mind is falling apart, my chest start burning in pain though I knew it is natural it was terrifying. My mind cried for mercy but my heart cried for peace, I know for sure if I stay in this world I will never find the peace that I longed for, the peace I wanted, hoped and dreamed for. I looked at the sky again before falling onto the soft green grass as the cheerful memories spent with my friends with my family with Eriol appeared right before my eyes. I could feel my eyes swelling with pain knowing how I, I Tomoyo could cause this much pain in the near future, but I ignored the feeling. I smiled seeing how I could live peacefully in the heavens above so I pushed away everything aside for my own selfish self I started falling into the infinite abyss and this time I'm sure I will never return.

**November 2,2005**

I looked at the almost perfect day ahead of me the sun was shining the birds were chirping, and everything seemed at peace. I wondered (How could everything be this peaceful when your gone?). I looked at the small diary held in my hands as I held on to it seeing if I could see you again but no luck. I saw the knife I had the chance then my eyes feel upon a pink notebook Tomoyo's notebook I decided to read your diarydropping the knife I went over and read itthen I fell on this one page. I read it and smiled as I let the tears flow knowing you're at peace, I looked up at the sky remembering the times we had together. I stood up and wiped the tears off my face and continued my life as if nothing happen.

**November 2,2007**

I saw myself looking up to the sky again like two years ago as I looked at the small diary in my hands again, memories came back. I flipped through the pages of the small diary seeing if I could find the entry that gave me the courage to stand up and be strong again, as I looked at entry #12 I smiled then closed the diary. I wrapped it in a fine cloth and placed it in my bag. I walked downstairs and went outside as I walked through the park, I went up to the hill, the hill where we always used to go. As I saw you gravestone there I smiled knowing everything will be fine, I placed the small diary wrapped in cloth beside the flowers I laid down I said a simple farewell and a thank you for everything. Then I walked away.

**Entry #12 November 1,2005**

_Dear Eriol,_

_By now you may think I'm pretty stupid not calling out when I had the chance, not reaching out for someone to spare my life. But you see I'm glad knowing I could be at peace I've been taking drugs for a while to kill my self Eriol, and ever since I have I kept this diary, I hated the way life treated me. I know I'm chickening out of Life, I know. I cant live up to the girl everyone wanted me to be. I can't go about the world as if everything was okay. My heart grieves at all the pain I suffer. I love you dearly but you must understand…. I need to go, I need to be free. I know by now you'll be suffering so badly because of me, and I'm sorry. Well if you got this notebook then it seems Im already dead... I might have already ended my life who knows... I cannot tell the future but seeing that your reading it I guess it is so... Im sorry but not even you can help... _

_I will love you forever and ever always smile and never forget me, I will be waiting for you so until then your angel (Kami-sama I dont wanna go to hell)…._

_Tomoyo_

**Entry #11 October 31,2005**

_When all usefulness is over, when one is assured of an unavoidable and imminent death, it is the simplest of human rights to choose a quick and easy death in place of a slow and horrible one._

**Entry #10 October 30,2005**

_The future is just old age and illness and pain... I must have peace and this is the only way. I must end it. There's no hope left. I'll be at peace. No one had anything to do with this. My decision totally._

**Entry #9** **October 29,2005**

_Goodbye, my friend, goodbye  
my love, you are in my heart.  
It was preordained we should part  
and be reunited by and by.  
Goodbye: no handshake to endure.  
Let's have no sadness -- furrowed brow.  
There's nothing new in dying now  
though living is no newer._

**Entry #8** _was given to Takashi_

**Entry #7** _was given to Syaoran_

**Entry #6** _was given to Chiharu_

**Entry #5 **_was given to Naoko_

**Entry #4** _was given to Rika_

**Entry #3** _was given to Sonomi_

**Entry #2** _was given to Sakura_

**Entry #1 October 21,2005 **

_Though I chose death instead of pointless pain,  
Please forgive the manner of my leaving.  
My love and need for all of you remain._

_I could not long such suffering sustain,  
nor would it long have held you from your grieving.  
Though I chose death instead of pointless pain,_

_I hope that choice will not my memory stain,  
nor lead you to be wroth at my deceiving.  
My love and need for all of you remain._

_For only in you do I live again,  
woven like a wind into your weaving.  
Though I chose death instead of pointless pain,_

_I put to you the plea of the self-slain:  
To comprehend anguish past conceiving.  
My love and need for all of you remain_

_that all that I have been not be in vain,  
but blend into the earth of your believing.  
Though I chose death instead of pointless pain,  
my love and need for all of you remain._

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If you're reading this that means you read the whole story... Well this is my first fanficts ever as in my first... sigh was deleted because of lots and lots of flame not helpful flames as in flame... ouch it hurts... Well anyway im puttung it back and this time Im not putting it down... Because This is a reminder of my past... And it will always be a part of my life... So might as well accept it pls review... 


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